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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Husband Vs Wife

The silent treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, "please wake me at 5:00 am " he left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "it is 5:00 am . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Wife vs. Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "relatives of yours?"
"yep," the wife replied , " in-laws"
Women's revenge
"cash, check or charge?" i asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet i noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"so, do you always carry your tv remote?" i asked.
"no," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and i figured this was the most evil thing i could do to him legally."
W o r d s
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "the reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "what?"
Creation
A man said to his wife one day, "i don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" the wife responded, "allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so i would be attracted to you!
Who does what
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "you should do it, because you get up first,
And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " you are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and i can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "no, you should do it, and besides, it is in the bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "i can't believe that, show me." so she fetched the bible, and opened the new testament
And showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ..........."hebrews"
God may have created man before woman,
But there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Nice Quotes....

1
LONG BACK,
A PERSON WHO SACRIFICED HIS SLEEP,
FORGOT HIS FAMILY,
FORGOT HIS FOOD,
FOGOT LAUGHTER WERE CALLED
"SAINTS"
BUT NOW THEY ARE CALLED..
"IT PROFESSIONALS"

2
AN INTERESTING LINE WRITTEN AT THE BACK OF A BIKER'S T SHIRT:
" IF YOU ARE ABLE TO SEE THIS, PLEASE TELL ME THAT MY GALFRIEND HAS FALLEN OFF"

3.
MOST RELATIONSHIPS FAIL NOT BECAUSE OF THE ABSENCE OF LOVE..
LOVE IS ALWAYS PRESENT..
ITS JUST THAT,
ONE LOVES TOO MUCH,
AND
THE OTHER LOVES TOO MANY,
4.
EMPLOYEE: BOSS, NOW I HAVE GOT MARRIED..! PLEASE INCREASE MY SALARY..!
BOSS: FACTORY IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ACCIDENTS OCCURING OUTSIDE THE COMPANY..!

5.
PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE
AT THE BEGINING OF MARRIED LIFE, EVERY GAL TREATS HER HUSBAND AS GOD,
LATER ON SOMEHOW THE ALPHABETS GOT REVERSED..!
6.
WHAT IS A FEAR?
FEAR IS THE DEEP, WRENCHING FEELING IN YOUR STOMACH
WHEN PAGES OF YOUR BOOK STILL SMELL NEW
AND
JUST FEW HOURS LEFT FOR YOUR EXAMS..!
7.
JUS4FUN
SOMEONE HAS RIGHTLY SAID, "A FOOL CAN ASK MORE QUESTIONS THAT A WISE MAN CANNOT ANSWER"
NO WONDER WHY SO MANY OF US SPEECHLESS WHEN LECTURERS ASK QUESTION..!
8.
GIRL: DO YOU HAVE CARDS WITH SENTIMENTAL LOVE QUOTES?
SHOPKEEPER: OH SURE..@! HOW ABOUT THIS CARD, IT SAYS "TO THE ONLY BOY I EVER LOVED.!"
GIRL: THATS GOOD, GIVE ME 12 OF THEM..!

9
AFTER READING THE FORM FILLED BY AN APPLICANT.. THE EMPLOYER SAID: " WE DO HAVE AN OPENING FOR YOU..!
APPLICANT: WHAT IS IT?
INTERVIEWER: ITS CALLED THE "DOOR..!"
10
A BANNER CUM SIGN BOARD IN FRONT OF AN IT COMPANY..
DRIVE SLOWLY, DONT KILL OUR EMPLOYEE...
..... LEAVE THEM TO US

Tax Structure in India, Funny but True..

Question 1.. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 2 : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

Question 3 : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

Question 4 : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

Question 5: How do you distribute profit?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX

Question 6 : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

Question 7 : Do you have Office / Warehouse / Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

Question 8 : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 9 : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes  -- Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No -- Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax



































Question 10 : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

Question 11 : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

Question 12 : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

Question 13 : Have you taken or given any Service / (s)?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

Question 14 : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

Question 15.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

Question 16 : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

Question 17 : Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

Question 18 : How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

Question 19.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!


Question 20: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

Question 21: INDIAN : Can I die now??
Ans : Wait we are about to launch the funeral tax !!!
Tax Structure in India....... Funny But True